The growth was not cancerous, the doctor assured him. He just didn’t like the way it looked. Ralph didn’t like the way the doctor looked but he was the doctor, and Ralph had an ugly gland. He couldn’t ditch one without the other.

They scheduled him for an adenectomy and afterwards he felt no different. He had stitches and soon a new scar, but the procedure was painless and he slept through most of it. Then the doctor handed him a thing in a jar.

“This is not a gland,” said the doctor.

The thing looked up at Ralph. It wasn’t impressed.

“I guess it doesn’t like the look of us either,” said Ralph.

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